


Palm Trees and Pine Trees

by via_ostiense



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Community: undermistletoe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-19
Updated: 2005-12-19
Packaged: 2017-10-15 16:53:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/162885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/via_ostiense/pseuds/via_ostiense
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"There's a whole galaxy out there, there has to be a goddamned pine tree on one of the planets."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Palm Trees and Pine Trees

**Author's Note:**

> Written for undermistletoe 2005: http://community.livejournal.com/undermistletoe/29130.html.

"There's a whole galaxy out there, there has to be a goddamned pine tree on one of the planets," Rodney huffed. "Statistical probability indicates so, and hopefully, the planet will even be uninhabited, so there won't be any negotiations to deal with. We just take the puddlejumper in, pull out the tree," he made a chopping gesture with his hand, "and come right back and let the biologists deal with it."

Famous last words.

M4X-3Y7:

"Obviously a tropical planet, given the fact that the gate's surrounded by palm trees." They hadn't even gotten out of the puddlejumper before Rodney was dialing the gate again. "We'll have to try somewhere else."

John stared longingly out the window. "You never know, McKay. There could be a Douglas Fir lurking somewhere." The water was turquoise, a clear, shimmering blue that was more hypnotic than anything he'd ever seen in his life. There were waves and palm trees and sure, Atlantis was surrounded by an ocean, but it wasn't like this, like Hawaii and Key West and Fiji all rolled into one, only better.

"C'mon, Major." Rodney waved a hand at him. "We haven't got all day for this and we're not stopping here."

"Colonel," John said. "We could bring home a palm tree instead."

Rodney gaped at him. "Who celebrates Christmas with a palm tree?"

"The Australians?"

"Do I look Australian to you?"

"Well," John said, taking the puddlejumper through the gate, "Canada, Australia, both British colonies, close enough."

 

M9Y-4X2:

A hail of rocks greeted the puddlejumper as soon as it came out of the gate.

"I don't think the natives like us," John said.

"Take us back! Take us back!" Rodney gasped.

"They can't actually hurt us, you know," John said. "Shielding and all." At that moment, a giant rock cracked into the window directly in front of his face. "Alright, going now."

 

M8X-4Y3:

"I'm in Siberia again," Rodney moaned.

John concentrated on flying close enough to the ground to watch the forest growth while avoiding the giant snow mountains. "Shut up and look out for a pine tree," he growled.

"Even if we find a pine tree, I'm not getting out to help you cut it down, so we can leave now, okay?" Rodney was shivering, although John was certain that he couldn't actually be cold, since the blizzard was outside and the inside of the puddlejumper was heated.

 

M9Y-5X6:

"I have no problems with having palm trees for Christmas," John said. "I thought I should just make that clear right now. The Australians would be happy, too."

Rodney sneered at him. "Do I look like I care? Heightmeyer said we need to have a Christmas party or something to celebrate for morale, it's December on Earth, so we're having a Christmas party this year."

"Didn't she say it was a holiday party? Since there are Jews and Buddhists on the expedition, too?" John interrupted.

"Most of us are atheists, actually, but we all grew up with the grossly commercialized celebration that's Christmas. And Christmas means pine trees, Major, pine trees, not palm trees. How the hell would you decorate a palm tree anyway?"

"Colonel. Palm trees are beautiful in themselves," John proclaimed. "They don't need any decorating."

"What are you, high?" Rodney grabbed John's chin and looked into his eyes. "Your pupils look fine, but you keep saying stupid things. Oh, wait, you're not high, you're just being yourself." Rodney let go of John and thumped back into his seat. "Can we go now? I'm pretty sure there aren't any pine trees out in vacuum."

"Palm trees are too beautiful," John said, while dialing another address. "They symbolize waves and sand and tropical islands. They make me think of summer and surfing."

"Yeah. Summer and surfing, neither of which go with Christmas and winter," Rodney said.

"It's not like we have ornaments to put on the tree, anyway," John sniped. He felt a little guilty when Rodney's face fell.

"Well, Zelenka's trying to put together Christmas tree lights from some Ancient LED-type things we found last week," Rodney said. "They'll be even better than real Christmas tree lights because you'll be able to think them on, you won't have to worry about shorting out the whole string or searching five hundred bulbs for the one dead light."

"You mean, I'm going to have to think on five hundred bulbs looking for the dead light," John said.

"Well, obviously. But it's quicker than testing them all by hand."

 

M2Y-9X8:

After one look out the window, John started dialling.

"It's a desert." Rodney, as ever, felt the need to state the obvious.

"Yes, Rodney, it's a desert, and no, I don't think we're going to find anything, so we'll just leave, alright?"

"You don't need to snap at me!" Rodney crossed his arms over his chest and glared at John.

"We've been to five alien planets today looking for a pine tree and this was supposed to be my day off, not my day to play chauffeur for you," John said. He swung the puddlejumper up and aimed it at the gate. "Also, looking for a pine tree in the Pegasus Galaxy? Billions of light years is a little far for pine cones to fall, don't you think?"

"Please. You like flying and you like exploring new worlds. You're just annoyed because I wouldn't let you stay on M4X-3Y7," Rodney said. "Besides, if there are palm trees in Pegasus, there are probably pine trees, too."

"We could just take the palm tree," John said.

"No."

 

M3X-4Y9:

John was starting to go crazy. Six planets (well, five planets and one gate that was parked in outer space), one snowstorm, one desert, hostile natives, and one tropical paradise, and they'd finally found a forest of pine trees. Tall, elegant, dark green, piney-smelling pine trees. They even had little cones with seeds in them and little bristly needles. He'd seen five at least in the last hour that looked perfectly serviceable to him. Rodney, however, had disagreed.

"Too tall," he'd said, to one that John'd thought would've been perfect in the center of the mess hall. It'd reminded him of pictures of the Christmas tree in the Rockefeller center, all lit up and towering high between skyscrapers.

"Too fat," he'd said, when John'd pointed out one that had low, spreading branches.

"Not symmetrical," he'd said, although John still thought that the irregularities gave the tree character.

"Just not right," he'd said, when John'd begun pointing out trees at random.

John finally snapped. He grabbed Rodney by his shoulders and pushed him up against one of hundreds of the pine trees surrounding them. "McKay, I swear, if you don't pick a pine tree in the next five minutes, we're going home without one."

Rodney blinked. "Fine," he said. "There's no way I'll be able to choose a pine tree that meets my exacting standards for my first Christmas on Atlantis in the next five minutes, so let's just go." He pushed John's hands away and started walking back to the puddlejumper.

John felt a little guilty. There was no way he was letting Rodney spend hours looking for the perfect Christmas tree, but now he felt a little like an ass. "Rodney, wait," he said, slogging through the snow.

"No, don't worry about it. I'll come back tomorrow with Ronon and we'll pick out a tree," Rodney said. "We know what planet to go to, so it won't take as long as today. You just stay on Atlantis and work on the Christmas tree lights with Zelenka."

Turning on five hundred Christmas tree lights with his mind. John felt less guilty.

 

The next day, John looked for Rodney, but he was nowhere to be found.

"Rodney? He took a puddlejumper out with Ronon," Elizabeth said. "They're looking for a Christmas tree." She raised an eyebrow at him. "Weren't you two supposed to do that yesterday?"

John ducked his head and winced. "It was more difficult than expected."

"I see."

 

John spent the rest of the day in the labs with Zelenka. Five hundred lights, and Rodney had been wrong. Even if they were Ancient Christmas tree lights, they still operated by the rules of physics and electricity, which meant that if one bulb was dead, the whole string went dead. Thinking on and off at five hundred bulbs was just as tedious as checking them by hand. Over ten thousand years, a lot of bulbs had gone dead.

Finally, the whole string lit up when he thought On at it.

"Yes!" Zelenka exclaimed. "We are all done!"

John couldn't help grinning, too. He thought a little harder and whoa, Ancient Christmas tree lights were definitely cooler than Earth Christmas tree lights, because he could make them change colour and blink with his mind. "All we need's a tree to put them on," he said.

"Rodney is probably back, so let us go check the mess hall," Zelenka said. They picked up the lights and twinkled their way down the corridors. John amused himself by making the lights flash in Morse code, red for long, yellow for short.

When they got to the mess hall, John saw Ronon and Rodney. Rodney was holding the ladder and Ronon was trying to put a star on top of the--palm tree? John ran over to them.

"A palm tree?" It was a short, stout palm tree, with big, leafy green fronds and hairy coconuts nestled under the leaves. John leaned in close and it smelled like sand, like salt, like hot days in the sun and the pure joy of a blue ocean and the thrill of surfing. It was too wide for his arms to go all the way around, but he clung to the gorgeous, warm palm tree and rubbed his face against the rough bark.

"I, uh, couldn't find a satisfactory pine tree," he heard Rodney say. John untangled himself from the palm tree long enough to pull Rodney into the hug, too.

"You got me a palm tree," John whispered. Rodney looked embarrassed but pleased, as if he'd gotten caught doing something sentimental.

"It was only because I couldn't find a good pine tree and I couldn't come back empty-handed for two days in a row, and it's more appropriate for the weather here, anyway, since it doesn't look like it'll be snowing anytime soon!"

Rodney was babbling, and John didn't pay any attention to it. Rodney'd given him a palm tree for Christmas. He pulled Rodney in closer and pointed up. "Hey, look, coconuts."

"What?" Rodney looked up.

"Coconuts. It's almost like mistletoe." John grinned and leaned in.

"What, almost like mistletoe the same way palm trees are like pine trees?" Rodney was protesting, but he wasn't pulling away, and that was good enough for John.

"Yeah," he said, and kissed Rodney under the coconuts.


End file.
